IN GOD WE REST SECURE

It has been a very difficult past 24 hours. Chris slept for a very long time from Sunday evening to Monday evening without pain and remained calm throughout this time frame. How we thank the Lord for His mercies.

Starting around 1am however, Chris became restless and started talking out loud. Jesse was sleeping with him last night, so was up with him for almost three hours, while Chris engaged in a fair amount of nonsensical conversation.

At 4am, Beth and I woke to him yelling and sounding distressed. We ran upstairs, relieved Jesse and sent him upstairs to bed, and then called hospice to ask if Chris needed some anxiety relief medication, which they confirmed he did.

From 4-6:30am I stayed with Chris while he continued to keep talking, and seeing and hearing things no one else could. He wasn't upset or distressed, but certainly wasn't going to sleep.

At 6:30am, with a splitting headache, I came down to the kitchen to get some water and tylenol. I found Beth lying awake on the couch and ready to relieve me, which she then did for two hours, as she sat with Chris, who remained fully awake and engaged in conversation.

While he didn't always make sense in the early morning hours, God did give us the blessing of hearing him declare God's sovereignty and love for him. He said he knew he was dying, and that while he wanted to live until he was 80 and keep working and serving the Lord, he could rest in knowing God was bringing him home. He truly did seem at peace. How kind God is to answer my prayer that I would know this!

When Bob arrived early in the morning to join Beth, Chris' conversation continued by laying out his desires for some of the children, particularly Jesse that he would carry on with spiritual and practical instruction in several areas, and he commissioned him to come alongside me as his mom. Jesse and I were asleep when Chris shared all this, but Bob and Beth did a great job writing everything down to share with us later.

As the morning progressed, Chris remained fully awake, but started showing greater signs of mental distress and less clarity in his thinking and communication. He also became more and more physically restless, and we tried to make sure he was both as comfortable as possible and safe from harming himself in any way.

Waiting what seemed like forever for the hospice nurse to come and medically assist Chris in calming down, and seeing him become more and more anxious finally broke me down. I've been holding up pretty good so far by God's grace, but this just undid me. I cried out to the Lord for mercy for Chris and called our pastor Tito for prayer, advice and encouragement. It is a horrible thing to see the one you love in mental anguish and you can't help.

Once the nurse did arrive and adjust his anxiety medication, she also prescribed medication to help calm down Chris' hallucinations. It took a while for the meds to work since Chris had gotten to a pretty advanced state of distress, but once they started working, he was noticeably calmer.

I was so hoping he would be able to finally sleep since he had now been up almost 24 hours. No go; he was still wide awake and is just now starting to show signs that he is ready to sleep. I don't think he is anxious at all, but Chris is really non-communicative at this point. This could change, but he is giving every indication that he is in the final stage of life here with us.

I would be so grateful for your prayers for Chris for the following:

1. that he would be able to get solid, peaceful sleep
now for many hours
2. that he would not be troubled by any more mental distress and that the anti-anxiety meds would work to ease him and keep him calm
3. that whatever time he has left with us would be sweet; I so desire for him to hear our words of love, comfort and God's Word until he runs into the arms of Jesus
4. that if he isn't taking in food and fluids any longer, that God would bring him home very soon (It doesn't look like he'll be eating or drinking anymore as he didn't eat at all today and drank about only 4oz. of EmergenC water--it's getting much harder for him to swallow.)
5. that in his last days and hours, Chris would feel the arms of his heavenly Father wrapped around him; that he would actually begin to anticipate with joy (even if we can't see it visibly) his homecoming with the Lord!

Thank you for your prayers, faithful friends and family!
Tracy, for Chris and the Klickaclan

"Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in Him, for he shields him all day long, and the one the Lord loves rests between His shoulders." Deut. 33:12

"You have rescued me from death; You have kept my feet from slipping. So now I can walk in Your presence, O God, in Your life-giving light." Psalm 56:13